Sunday, November 30, 2008

Worst frickin Thanksgiving ever!

First off, I cannot understand how someone with such a taste for redmeat in her bedroom could want tofurky on her plate. Surely she would understand the wholesomeness of REAL MEAT?!?

And why did she invite all three of the men she's done everything BUT sleep with for the last few months? Did she think they had sooooo much in common they would naturally get along?

Manoman what a nasty horrid appaling holiday. Cranberry sauce out of a can was the least unappetizing thing about it. So of course I guarded the dish with the squiggly mess like a rabid dog. Tofu and gluten in several different prefabs are not a feast. Salad out of a bag may not be a good choice, but TRY not to insult the poor dead vegetables by chopping up process cheese with kitchen shears over them, please!

Bottle Italian. Yuck.

Canned peaches. Double yuck.

Undercooked yams (my fault, but oh well), and overcooked stringbeans (blame my mom). But anyhow triple and quadruple yuck.

The tattoo artist brought some kind of vegetarian couscous salad with pomegrantes. It looked repulsive, like her dyes had drained from the brand new demon face on her arm - I guess that would be the pomegranate - but had enough garlic to seem sexy.

Someone (!) brought vegetarian frankfurters in vegan mayonaise with pimentos. Toad barf, seriously.

Still, three meaty men (all of whom brought...., wait for it...., BEER!), three single women, plus K. and her compugeek boyfriend - it COULD've been a good evening........ If only K and her nerdface hadn't been so deeply in lust, and THANG had told two of the men to go home early. Go home. Just go home. You ain't getting ANY, go! Home! G'wan, scram!

I just wish she would make up her mind.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Tikvah: victim of double standard at U.C.

J magazine's website shows a letter from two students at UC Berkeley.
http://www.jewishsf.com/content/2-0-/module/displaystory/story_id/36519/format/html/displaystory.html

It is an important piece, please circulate it to your friends.

Here it is:


Tikvah: victim of double standard at U.C.
By John E. Moghtader & Elodie Resseguie


Long a hotbed of anti-Israel activity, U.C. Berkeley has barely had a strong pro-Israel presence on campus. Until now, with Tikvah: Students for Israel, the Zionist student group at U.C. Berkeley.

We are the group that stepped up to protest when academics John Mearsheimer and Stephen Walt visited Cal in October 2007 to hawk their book, a nefarious smear job titled "The Jewish Lobby and U.S. Foreign Policy."

We were also there last month when the virulently anti-Israel academic Norman Finkelstein came to speak.

Before the lecture, we respectfully distributed our literature outside. Once inside, Finkelstein’s level of anti-Semitic vitriol prompted a walkout of Tikvah students and others not associated with our group. We shouted out our opinions while exiting, as the crowd hurled expletives at us. Finkelstein and his colleague then continued delivering their insulting lies.

As a result, the dean of students is now seeking to discipline Tikvah and individual students for an "offense" which in the past barely warranted mention when undertaken by student groups involved in anti-Israel activities.

For example, when Middle East scholar Daniel Pipes tried to speak on campus several years ago, he was shouted down by members of Students for Justice in Palestine and the Muslim Student Association. At the time the chancellor said, "Uncivil behavior, lamentable as it is, is not a crime, nor is it a violation of the Code of Student Conduct." No disciplinary action was taken against SJP or its members for that incident, nor when Nonie Darwish was likewise shouted down a year ago.

Only last week, SJP disrupted an innovative Zionist hip-hop concert on campus. Even though no Jewish students were involved in the physical altercation that ensued (contrary to what was reported in the school paper and what SJP claims), we wait to see how the university will deal with the assailants from SJP.

Other violations by SJP of the U.C. code of conduct — such as blocking of pedestrian traffic with demonstrations, the brandishing of fake firearms, physical harassment and intimidation of Jewish students — were presented to the dean of students but have been ignored.

What we see here is a double standard, one for the rest of campus and another for the Jews and those who actively support Israel.

Our tax dollars support the U.C. system, and Jewish donors are very prominent in supporting the U.C. campuses. It’s time for the Jewish community to become aware of what is happening at our university.

Meanwhile, Tikvah has a consistent record of positive, pro-Israel programming on campus. Until our inception a year ago, there was no substantive pro-Israel voice on campus. We changed that, attracting students of various religious and cultural backgrounds to our cause. We have collaborated with many off-campus groups, including the Israeli Consulate, Israel Peace Initiative, S.F.-based Jewish Community Relations Council, U.C. Berkeley Chabad, CAMERA, StandWithUs, JIMENA and more. Once again Jews walk with pride across Sproul Plaza.

We have also sponsored many successful events. On Martin Luther King Jr. Day, we took out ads in the student newspaper highlighting the civil rights leader’s strong support of the Jewish state. We have hosted lectures by Dennis Prager, Stanley Urman, Israeli Vice Consul Ishmael Khaldi (who spoke about being the highest-ranking Muslim in the Israeli foreign service) and others.

Last year we held two weeklong programs brimming with pro-Israel activities: Israel Peace and Diversity Week and Israel@60 Week (which included a widely attended on-campus Holocaust memorial on Yom HaShoah). We just finished our latest effort, Israel Liberation Week, and we have also been a positive influence on student government, with John Moghtader, a current senator in the Associated Students of the University of California, leading our group.

Regarding the Jewish Student Union and Berkeley Hillel, we must clarify misstatements that ran in j. Even though Tikvah is the largest and most active Jewish student group on campus, we have been allocated precisely zero dollars from the JSU this school year.

While the JSU and Berkeley Hillel remain silent, we are the ones on Sproul Plaza and around campus protesting the Finkelsteins of the world, educating students about Israel, organizing rallies and holding Holocaust memorials.

We were dumbfounded to find that Hillel is presuming to play some role in all this, as Tikvah has never been affiliated with Berkeley Hillel, nor have we ever received funds from them for any of our activities.

We are a grassroots student group. Our goal is to make sure Jewish students do not have to be subjected to a hostile anti-Israel, anti-Semitic environment on campus. That’s our bottom line.



John E. Moghtader, a third-year undergraduate at U.C. Berkeley, is an Associated Students of the University of California senator and president of Tikvah.
Elodie Resseguie is a fourth-year undergraduate at U.C. Berkeley and is on the Tikvah executive board. To learn more about Tikvah, e-mail tikvahsfi@gmail.com or visit tikvahsfi.blogspot.com.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

The banana house at the zoo

When I came home this evening I really wanted a cup of tea. So guess who was "using" the kitchen, with her BIG! BRAINDEAD! GORILLA!
Thank heavens they weren't actually tackling each other, but I really did NOT want to know that the Yeti is not a member of the tribe. As if that was even remotely possible!

Good thing I have enough sense of shame for all three of us, because miss Thang and the blender-dick don't have any at all. Not a drop.

I returned to the coffee shop and had tea on the house, then went to see Madagascar 2 with K. With her bomber jacket, piercings and tattoos, and my scowl, we made a lovely pair. Scary. But she giggles a lot. She isn't that way, if that's what you're thinking, she has a computer nerd male in her life.


It isn't a very good movie. Best part is Sasha Baron Cohen as the happily degenerate king Julien. Not enough of him, far too many zebras (like seeing upholstery moving across the screen, and very boring). The lions are nauseating.

It needs more penguins. Any movie can be improved by upping the penguin count.

Quickie review: save your money, buy beer instead.


Miss Thang and her ape were no longer in the kitchen when I got back. Just to be on the safe side I've wiped every surface there with glasscleaner several times. I hope the ammonia at least kills proteins, even if it doesn't fully remove them. Disgusting. Like living with a wild animal.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Berkeley hates Israel

Horrible news out of Berkeley: Palestinians and alleged Palestinians in a violent confrontation with pro-Israel students last Thursday evening.

What the articles don't say is that Students for Justice in Palestine set a trap.


http://www.dailycal.org/article/103609/plans_made_in_effort_to_recall_asuc_senator


SJP wants to boot student senator Moghtader out of the student council and off the campus. Yaman Salahi, who is known for his personal vendettas and his lies, has targeted the pro-Israel students.
There is more to come, the Berkeley Pallies won't stop.

What disturbs me perhaps more than the attempt to silence the pro-Israel voice on campus is that they (SJP) want to allow electronic signatures on the recall petition. Any signature campaign on the UC campus is fraught with the possibility of fraud - how much more so an internet campaign by savy Arab-Americans? If this is allowed, the anti-Semites will have learned ONE MORE dirty trick. Cheats!

Really, these people make me so sick. And no one in the Bay Area seems to care about Israel. There is just loads of hate here.
I want to call Yossi, but it's too late at night. I so want someone to talk to!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Crash fumble clatter

I'm worried about him. This was supposed to be our third date, but it seemed more like a car-wreck. In addition to stuttering much more than usual, he also knocked over his water glass, spilt his co-cola, and stabbed himself in the cheek with the fork. Plus stumbling, and dropping his car keys.
Is this normal? I mean, I know he's clumsy when nervous or out in public, but IS THIS REALLY NORMAL?!?


On the plus side, we spent two hours in his car talking about the east-coast. At least we didn't talk about the pallies this time; after what happened in Berkeley last Thursday, I don't think I could've taken it. I'm so upset! And yes I know that the Jewish students were stupid not to tape everything that happened and take the names of all witnesses not likely to lie through their slimy green pro-Palestinian teeth, but still. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!?! Running into a trap just isn't a good thing. What if the pro-Pallies had had bats or chains? Or knives?

But really, they should thrash those bigots sometime. Anybody walking across the Berkeley campus, even before this happened, could feel the hate when going by SJP activists. This is not a part of the world where you are safe wearing a star of David, and the area near the Berkeley campus is even riskier. West-Coast people are insane.


Well, not all of them. But lots.


Back to our date. He's got relatives in BP, of all places. And they're not even black hats. I would've thought maybe Massachusetts, or even New Jersey (shudder), but Boro Park?!?! Good heavens! He's planning to fly back for thksgvg, and will return the first week of December. I wish I could go home too, but even with both jobs, the money is tight. He'll e-mail and call me. I wonder if I should have him meet Abba? And is he maybe tooooo frum? Is that even possible in the Bay Area?


Still, he's very VERY sweet. We're going to a movie after next shabbat. He's a gentleman in the dark.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

No no, the coffee goes into the FACE, the pastry goes into the lap

It's all my fault. I shouldn't have let him go one so about Israel and the Pallies. He got excited and started quivering. It was rather like watching a chihuahua.

Except frantic dogs do not try to co-ordinate cup, saucer, and a plate of cake while they talk, wiggle, and blink. If they did, the result would, predictably, be the same.

Once the porcelain finished flying, I felt so sorry for him. He looked so forlorn, and the remnants of whipped cream in his crotch looked so......, well, I won't say what it looked like. But those were nice pants. If we had been anywhere near my apartment (and if I knew for certain that my room mate wasn't humping Abdul the sweaty Greek wrestler at that moment), I would've invited him over so that I could try to scrub out the stain. It looked SO incriminating.


When he blushes, he looks embarassingly guilty, that sure doesn't help. Carrying the newspaper in front of his crotch made it look like had something to hide.
I popped him into a cab, and took the bus.


Miss Thang on the other side of the wall is wild tonight. That buzzing is loud enough to hear from the hallway. I wonder if the neighbors have a clue. Get a room, bitch.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

He stutters, and his hands are sweaty

But at least he isn't a groper, and he has the most charming blinkiness of any academic. And unlike the big goyish date, he didn't insist on Chinese food.

Family in Israel, That's a plus, who'd want to have his mom any closer. And he's rather tasty, especially if viewed from the rear. Not big, but oh man, that tight little.....

Well, he IS nice. But I don't think this will work out. A week ago he managed to break his glasses holding the door for me. And this evening he stumbled over his coat. He had draped it over the chair when he sat down, it slipped, and when he got up he tripped over it and nearly careened into a waiter.

He's fun to watch, and he's funny. But clutzy much. I don't think this is going to work.

Besides, he doesn't quite seem to understand the anti-Israel dynamic in the Bay Area. He thinks that if we all just act mellow and ignore it, the nuts will go away. He just doesn't get that Californians have internalized the fantasy victim-hood of the Palestinians, and think of Jews as big bad muscle bound hulks kicking sand into the eyes of their victims.

We'll see what happens. I've never dated a man who is shorter than me before.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Yay! Obama!

Tall dark and handsome next president! This is what I've been waiting for since I was a freshman - a leader who is spoonable!

It was all over by eight o'clock. Except for the drinking and weeping. Sorry boys, I have no sympathy. Take your old macho looser and go home.

I'm feeling good right now. If I had stayed at the bar I might be feeling better, but I would wonder what to do with him tomorrow morning. Can't really have mister F. Better waking up in a strange place with two lonely girls, one of whom is a man-shark (that would be the 'other' resident of this apartment).

I'm kidding, of course. I don't have what it takes to pick up men in bars.


But tonight I do feel like I struck it lucky. Warm and tingly all over. I'm gonna see if 'Thang' has left any vodka in the fridge and go to bed. Sleeping will be hard, I'm just so excited.

Seven years of college for that?

I grew up to be a princess. No, not one of those spoiled whiny ones, like the girls on Friends. Nor the archtype daddy's little precious. I grew up to be Boudicca (Boadicea). I dreamt of cutting Roman throats while leading my hairy savages towards Londinium.

Alas! It was not to be. Boudicca is not short, and does not put tissues in her bra.

Nor, as it happens, does Boudicca have a degree in philosophy. Try getting a decent job with that, why don't you? A philosphy degree is about as useful as a flat chest if you want to be noticed, but at least they take you serious when you're applying for a job.

I could have stayed back east and married Avi. My dad always said I could do anything when I grew up. So I grew up to be a second rate Boudicca, but I will not settle for a second rate King, even if he is small dark and handsome. I am looking for someone who wears tweeds well instead.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Rule number one: steal the fork

So my big goyish date and I are at the restaurant, and when he jostled the table the salad fork fell into my handbag. I didn't notice, entranced as I was with his long disquisition about the Sharks. My eyes always glaze over like that when I'm thrilled. I may snore from joy too. Please ignore it.

He had too many mojitos. Bad move, dude, women do not like men who smell of rum. And the mint thing is just nasty. I am suprised at how sober he acts when we leave for the movie.

I should've known better than to let him choose the movie, but I thought it would keep his mind off manhandling me and his hands in his lap. I was wrong. Even the big monster truck could not prevent him trying to put his arm over my shoulders. I squirmed and growled. His arm was still there. I growled loud enough to make people turn around. His arm disappeared.

Five minutes later his hand covered mine. Let it stay, at least I know where it is. Fifteen minutes later, while I'm rooting in my purse for tissues (saddest part of the movie: big monster truck bursting into flames. Dammit, I liked that truck!), his hand starts moving.

Instead of tissues, I found the fork. His hand found my inner thigh and squeezed.


I let him have it with all three tines. Hard.



When I got home I could hear my room mate waging world whore three with her ape-like beau in her room. I went to bed alone.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

My room mate the sex gargoyle

It's too hard to sleep around here with that woman in the other room. She's nice, a loving warm person, and great to be around (and I really admire her tits). Problem is that I'm not the only one who thinks so. Every red-blooded American male for miles around just lights up when they see her.

She's got something red blooded in her room right now, and it sounds like they're trying to drill through the floor, both of them. My room mate, and today's prime cut of beef.

Abba was so pleased when I told him I was moving in with another woman - he's been worried about me ever since I went to college - so the idea of his little muffin ever living with a man gave him hives. He was relieved when I told him about "miss Thang".
He thinks that two girls living together can't get into any trouble, seeing as we're too busy having tea and moddifying our pretty dresses.

Hah!

If he knew that the "Thang" was romping around with big muscle-bound meatballs in the room next door, and that I'm living with the sex goddess from hell, his skin wouldn't just erupt, but burst into steaming flames.
She could be a really bad influence on daddy's little cowgirl (yes, that's me - dad has 'issues'). He'd have conniptions.
That woman is just too ....... alive. Yes, that's what it is, """alive""".

Shit, I think the chair in her room just broke.
That's the fifth crash I've heard.

With all my heart, I want them to enjoy each other, and the energetic exploration of nooks and crannies that I can hear every detail of. I want them to have fun, especially because I like her, even though I am horribly envious of her chest.
I want both of them to come.
I just wish it were soon and in our days.
This is interminable.