Lousy Chinese food, bad jokes - and Jesus!

Yep, that spells Christmas. It WOULD have been okay if it hadn't been so friggin vegetarian. One of the other tables was fressing the best looking roast duck I have ever seen. And that, clearly, made the horrid comedy routines sparkle. No one can be unhappy with a mouth full of sweet savoury grease.

Which, naturally, brings us to Chanuka, and my roommate's determination to NEVER have anything tasty in the house. As far as food is concerned, that is. Some of her studmuffins have been VERY tasty looking (and possibly even mots with atrocious judgement).
But no latkes. No sufganiot. No fried anything. I'm going through deep fat withdrawal.


Of course, SHE had a turkey for Christmas. I cannot even begin to comprehend what she sees in Jesus. Yes, you heard me, last night's loverboy was a Latino named Hay-zooz! And I can now honestly say that I've had absolutely the most unjewishy of Christmasses ever!

The three of us went out for the usual dreary "we aren't part of this whole celebration because one of us is a ho, one of us is a heathen, and one of us is just a dipshit" kungpao comedy. And because ONE of us is a vegetarian, none of us got to eat any meat. So just dish up the green crud and bad jokes, and we'll pretend we're happy. Hay-zooz smiled like an idiot through the entire thing. He didn't get a single one of the gags, but that's okay, that wasn't what he needed to get anyhow. Olé, as they say.


THANG didn't come home last night, so I actually got to sleep early. But tonight, she's back!


At least I've got my own bottle of Bourbon in my room, and can drown out THANG's second unholy night. I think he's the Greek fellow from two months ago. He reeks of cheep aftershave.

Oh no, it's his second coming!!!!!
Right! at! this! very! moment!
Sweet cheeses!

Rowdy and rutting

The three weeks since thanksgiving have sucked, just sucked! For one thing, Yossi and I are over! And I don't want to talk about it!


AND my dad keeps asking me if I've met any nice men! Next thing you know he'll be signing me up for j-date!
I so do NOT need to talk to some accented noodge who wants to know my breast size! Or wether I wear a snood! Dad should be happy if he gets ANY son-in-law, ever. I'm more likely to marry a Chinese Jewelry store owner before I find a nice Jewish man at this rate.


Of course, that ain't a problem for my oversexed roommate. She just keeps bring home her hundred and ninety pounds of hamburger, or her big side of pork, or her horny venison, or her...... you get the picture. Her sexlife is like NASA - several fiery launches, and a few good explosions. It just makes me sick. Every night for the past ten days I've come home, and she and whatever flavor of day she's chewing on have been humping like rutting elephants. With loud trumpetting, crashes, and shaking floors. I've been cleaning surfaces in this apartment like crazy, yet I fear I'll never get the reek of randy out of it. And I dare not sit on the couch anymore. Good thing she keeps her door closed most of the time.

Nastiness at the Hilton

Went to the Hilton yesterday to see what a pro-Israel demonstration in San Francisco looks like. And, disappointingly, it looks very much like an anti-Israel demonstration. There were times when I couldn't tell the sides apart.
One side held signs that were anti-Israel, the other said things that no pro-Israel person should ever (!) frikkin say.

One man, who looked like an evil leprechaun, screamed at the Arabs that they should all go back where they came from, they weren't wanted here, no one liked them, and they were sacrileging his ancestral land because he was one sixty-seventh or some crazy percentage native American.


Oh shut up, you tedious old bitchboy.


That wasn't much of a demonstration, unless we needed lessons in acting stupid.


And we are all from somewhere else.



The pro-Israel group was mostly to the right of the hotel entrance, near Mason Street, the pro-Palestinian side was to the left of the entrance, near Taylor Street. The police stood smiling in the center of the entrance getting shouted at by both sides.


The rowdies of both camps fluttered about across the street, yelling at each other. Expressing hate is not supportive of either position. I wish the people with the Israeli and American flags had just let the other side do that. I'm sure they would've done it very well.

Seriously frustrated bitch

Debbie Schlussel also weighed in on the death of Dan Kliman, in a blog-post captioned: "What Happened to Dan Kliman?: Another Innocent American Victim of Islam Thrown Down Elevator Shaft".


To which I will not link!


Entirely without evidence or doubt, Debbie wishes to assert that Dan Kliman was thrown down the elevator shaft by Jihadis because he was gay, Jewish, pro-Israel, and American.



Well, I did not read her blog much before this happened. Now I have read far too much of her blog. And I wish never to read that pathetic excuse for blogging again.
One can very well be a Zionist without being a moron or a bigot, but she attempts to disprove that in every poison-laden page.

She hates. She hates Muslims, she hates Gentiles, she hates blacks, she hates Mexicans, she hates Arabs, she hates gays, she hates liberals, she hates educated people.
She hates hates hates! everybody! except one person.


And by hating all of those, seemingly without any distinction other than the amount of lava she pours over them in her blog, she clearly and primarily hates Jews. If there were awards for embodying A SHANDAH FIR DI GOYIM, ms. Schlussel would win every year. A more paskudne paskudnitza would be hard to find. Truly. And I mean that in utmost sincerity - Debbie Schlussel stands out, in a field filled with rancidly rotten contenders for the throne of bile.

And so of course, with all the tolerance and forgivingness I can muster, I have to suspect that Debbie Schlussel is either the result of an amateurishly botched gender-change operation, or an undercover radical activist planted to discredit Jews. Because in addition to being a shandah fir di goyim, she is an embarassment for women and conservatives.

Possibly a murder - Daniel J. Kliman

One of the pro-Israel activists in the san Francisco Bay Area has been found dead. And it looks very suspicious.

http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2008/12/boruch-dayan-ha-emes.html


From that blog:
Daniel J. Kliman was found dead yesterday at the bottom of an elevator shaft in the building where he was taking Arabic classes. He is believed to have fallen down the elevator shaft on Tuesday evening 11/25/08.There were no classes last week. There were very few people in the building at the time. The defective elevator was "secure".It is still unclear how this happened.


The blogowner of that site (at the back of the hill) also put his suspicions in the comments:
At this point, several members of our group have doubts about it being an accident.The reasons for doubting that it was entirely accidental are as follows:
*Dan was known to the other side, his picture was posted on several sites identifying him as a Zionist "conspirator" and one of the lead-activists in the Bay Area.
*He had received several death-threats over the years - he was known by name and address.
*The pro-Palestinian side has not infrequently either used violence or threatened to do so - Dan was assaulted several times.
*The building where he was found was where he was taking Arabic classes; there were NO classes that week.
*Several members of the other side also take Arabic classes - that is one of the few schools in the area where Arabic is taught, and there is a constantly changing roster of Israel-haters studying Arabic there.
*The defective elevator had been secured so no one could enter it.


Well. This is perfectly horrid news, and I do not doubt for A MOMENT that foul play was involved. After what the students for justice in Palestine have been doing at U. C. Berkeley, and what with the vicious hatred of Israel which is so common here, anything at all is possible. So a Jew studying Arabic must have absolutely seemed like a spy to the pro-Palestinians who would take Arabic classes. Their paranoid hatred probably took over at the moment they found him alone, or they could've planned to do it all along, and just waited for the perfect opportunity.

Worst frickin Thanksgiving ever!

First off, I cannot understand how someone with such a taste for redmeat in her bedroom could want tofurky on her plate. Surely she would understand the wholesomeness of REAL MEAT?!?

And why did she invite all three of the men she's done everything BUT sleep with for the last few months? Did she think they had sooooo much in common they would naturally get along?

Manoman what a nasty horrid appaling holiday. Cranberry sauce out of a can was the least unappetizing thing about it. So of course I guarded the dish with the squiggly mess like a rabid dog. Tofu and gluten in several different prefabs are not a feast. Salad out of a bag may not be a good choice, but TRY not to insult the poor dead vegetables by chopping up process cheese with kitchen shears over them, please!

Bottle Italian. Yuck.

Canned peaches. Double yuck.

Undercooked yams (my fault, but oh well), and overcooked stringbeans (blame my mom). But anyhow triple and quadruple yuck.

The tattoo artist brought some kind of vegetarian couscous salad with pomegrantes. It looked repulsive, like her dyes had drained from the brand new demon face on her arm - I guess that would be the pomegranate - but had enough garlic to seem sexy.

Someone (!) brought vegetarian frankfurters in vegan mayonaise with pimentos. Toad barf, seriously.

Still, three meaty men (all of whom brought...., wait for it...., BEER!), three single women, plus K. and her compugeek boyfriend - it COULD've been a good evening........ If only K and her nerdface hadn't been so deeply in lust, and THANG had told two of the men to go home early. Go home. Just go home. You ain't getting ANY, go! Home! G'wan, scram!

I just wish she would make up her mind.

Tikvah: victim of double standard at U.C.

J magazine's website shows a letter from two students at UC Berkeley.
http://www.jewishsf.com/content/2-0-/module/displaystory/story_id/36519/format/html/displaystory.html

It is an important piece, please circulate it to your friends.

Here it is:


Tikvah: victim of double standard at U.C.
By John E. Moghtader & Elodie Resseguie


Long a hotbed of anti-Israel activity, U.C. Berkeley has barely had a strong pro-Israel presence on campus. Until now, with Tikvah: Students for Israel, the Zionist student group at U.C. Berkeley.

We are the group that stepped up to protest when academics John Mearsheimer and Stephen Walt visited Cal in October 2007 to hawk their book, a nefarious smear job titled "The Jewish Lobby and U.S. Foreign Policy."

We were also there last month when the virulently anti-Israel academic Norman Finkelstein came to speak.

Before the lecture, we respectfully distributed our literature outside. Once inside, Finkelstein’s level of anti-Semitic vitriol prompted a walkout of Tikvah students and others not associated with our group. We shouted out our opinions while exiting, as the crowd hurled expletives at us. Finkelstein and his colleague then continued delivering their insulting lies.

As a result, the dean of students is now seeking to discipline Tikvah and individual students for an "offense" which in the past barely warranted mention when undertaken by student groups involved in anti-Israel activities.

For example, when Middle East scholar Daniel Pipes tried to speak on campus several years ago, he was shouted down by members of Students for Justice in Palestine and the Muslim Student Association. At the time the chancellor said, "Uncivil behavior, lamentable as it is, is not a crime, nor is it a violation of the Code of Student Conduct." No disciplinary action was taken against SJP or its members for that incident, nor when Nonie Darwish was likewise shouted down a year ago.

Only last week, SJP disrupted an innovative Zionist hip-hop concert on campus. Even though no Jewish students were involved in the physical altercation that ensued (contrary to what was reported in the school paper and what SJP claims), we wait to see how the university will deal with the assailants from SJP.

Other violations by SJP of the U.C. code of conduct — such as blocking of pedestrian traffic with demonstrations, the brandishing of fake firearms, physical harassment and intimidation of Jewish students — were presented to the dean of students but have been ignored.

What we see here is a double standard, one for the rest of campus and another for the Jews and those who actively support Israel.

Our tax dollars support the U.C. system, and Jewish donors are very prominent in supporting the U.C. campuses. It’s time for the Jewish community to become aware of what is happening at our university.

Meanwhile, Tikvah has a consistent record of positive, pro-Israel programming on campus. Until our inception a year ago, there was no substantive pro-Israel voice on campus. We changed that, attracting students of various religious and cultural backgrounds to our cause. We have collaborated with many off-campus groups, including the Israeli Consulate, Israel Peace Initiative, S.F.-based Jewish Community Relations Council, U.C. Berkeley Chabad, CAMERA, StandWithUs, JIMENA and more. Once again Jews walk with pride across Sproul Plaza.

We have also sponsored many successful events. On Martin Luther King Jr. Day, we took out ads in the student newspaper highlighting the civil rights leader’s strong support of the Jewish state. We have hosted lectures by Dennis Prager, Stanley Urman, Israeli Vice Consul Ishmael Khaldi (who spoke about being the highest-ranking Muslim in the Israeli foreign service) and others.

Last year we held two weeklong programs brimming with pro-Israel activities: Israel Peace and Diversity Week and Israel@60 Week (which included a widely attended on-campus Holocaust memorial on Yom HaShoah). We just finished our latest effort, Israel Liberation Week, and we have also been a positive influence on student government, with John Moghtader, a current senator in the Associated Students of the University of California, leading our group.

Regarding the Jewish Student Union and Berkeley Hillel, we must clarify misstatements that ran in j. Even though Tikvah is the largest and most active Jewish student group on campus, we have been allocated precisely zero dollars from the JSU this school year.

While the JSU and Berkeley Hillel remain silent, we are the ones on Sproul Plaza and around campus protesting the Finkelsteins of the world, educating students about Israel, organizing rallies and holding Holocaust memorials.

We were dumbfounded to find that Hillel is presuming to play some role in all this, as Tikvah has never been affiliated with Berkeley Hillel, nor have we ever received funds from them for any of our activities.

We are a grassroots student group. Our goal is to make sure Jewish students do not have to be subjected to a hostile anti-Israel, anti-Semitic environment on campus. That’s our bottom line.



John E. Moghtader, a third-year undergraduate at U.C. Berkeley, is an Associated Students of the University of California senator and president of Tikvah.
Elodie Resseguie is a fourth-year undergraduate at U.C. Berkeley and is on the Tikvah executive board. To learn more about Tikvah, e-mail tikvahsfi@gmail.com or visit tikvahsfi.blogspot.com.

The banana house at the zoo

When I came home this evening I really wanted a cup of tea. So guess who was "using" the kitchen, with her BIG! BRAINDEAD! GORILLA!
Thank heavens they weren't actually tackling each other, but I really did NOT want to know that the Yeti is not a member of the tribe. As if that was even remotely possible!

Good thing I have enough sense of shame for all three of us, because miss Thang and the blender-dick don't have any at all. Not a drop.

I returned to the coffee shop and had tea on the house, then went to see Madagascar 2 with K. With her bomber jacket, piercings and tattoos, and my scowl, we made a lovely pair. Scary. But she giggles a lot. She isn't that way, if that's what you're thinking, she has a computer nerd male in her life.


It isn't a very good movie. Best part is Sasha Baron Cohen as the happily degenerate king Julien. Not enough of him, far too many zebras (like seeing upholstery moving across the screen, and very boring). The lions are nauseating.

It needs more penguins. Any movie can be improved by upping the penguin count.

Quickie review: save your money, buy beer instead.


Miss Thang and her ape were no longer in the kitchen when I got back. Just to be on the safe side I've wiped every surface there with glasscleaner several times. I hope the ammonia at least kills proteins, even if it doesn't fully remove them. Disgusting. Like living with a wild animal.

Berkeley hates Israel

Horrible news out of Berkeley: Palestinians and alleged Palestinians in a violent confrontation with pro-Israel students last Thursday evening.

What the articles don't say is that Students for Justice in Palestine set a trap.


http://www.dailycal.org/article/103609/plans_made_in_effort_to_recall_asuc_senator


SJP wants to boot student senator Moghtader out of the student council and off the campus. Yaman Salahi, who is known for his personal vendettas and his lies, has targeted the pro-Israel students.
There is more to come, the Berkeley Pallies won't stop.

What disturbs me perhaps more than the attempt to silence the pro-Israel voice on campus is that they (SJP) want to allow electronic signatures on the recall petition. Any signature campaign on the UC campus is fraught with the possibility of fraud - how much more so an internet campaign by savy Arab-Americans? If this is allowed, the anti-Semites will have learned ONE MORE dirty trick. Cheats!

Really, these people make me so sick. And no one in the Bay Area seems to care about Israel. There is just loads of hate here.
I want to call Yossi, but it's too late at night. I so want someone to talk to!

Crash fumble clatter

I'm worried about him. This was supposed to be our third date, but it seemed more like a car-wreck. In addition to stuttering much more than usual, he also knocked over his water glass, spilt his co-cola, and stabbed himself in the cheek with the fork. Plus stumbling, and dropping his car keys.
Is this normal? I mean, I know he's clumsy when nervous or out in public, but IS THIS REALLY NORMAL?!?


On the plus side, we spent two hours in his car talking about the east-coast. At least we didn't talk about the pallies this time; after what happened in Berkeley last Thursday, I don't think I could've taken it. I'm so upset! And yes I know that the Jewish students were stupid not to tape everything that happened and take the names of all witnesses not likely to lie through their slimy green pro-Palestinian teeth, but still. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!?! Running into a trap just isn't a good thing. What if the pro-Pallies had had bats or chains? Or knives?

But really, they should thrash those bigots sometime. Anybody walking across the Berkeley campus, even before this happened, could feel the hate when going by SJP activists. This is not a part of the world where you are safe wearing a star of David, and the area near the Berkeley campus is even riskier. West-Coast people are insane.


Well, not all of them. But lots.


Back to our date. He's got relatives in BP, of all places. And they're not even black hats. I would've thought maybe Massachusetts, or even New Jersey (shudder), but Boro Park?!?! Good heavens! He's planning to fly back for thksgvg, and will return the first week of December. I wish I could go home too, but even with both jobs, the money is tight. He'll e-mail and call me. I wonder if I should have him meet Abba? And is he maybe tooooo frum? Is that even possible in the Bay Area?


Still, he's very VERY sweet. We're going to a movie after next shabbat. He's a gentleman in the dark.

No no, the coffee goes into the FACE, the pastry goes into the lap

It's all my fault. I shouldn't have let him go one so about Israel and the Pallies. He got excited and started quivering. It was rather like watching a chihuahua.

Except frantic dogs do not try to co-ordinate cup, saucer, and a plate of cake while they talk, wiggle, and blink. If they did, the result would, predictably, be the same.

Once the porcelain finished flying, I felt so sorry for him. He looked so forlorn, and the remnants of whipped cream in his crotch looked so......, well, I won't say what it looked like. But those were nice pants. If we had been anywhere near my apartment (and if I knew for certain that my room mate wasn't humping Abdul the sweaty Greek wrestler at that moment), I would've invited him over so that I could try to scrub out the stain. It looked SO incriminating.


When he blushes, he looks embarassingly guilty, that sure doesn't help. Carrying the newspaper in front of his crotch made it look like had something to hide.
I popped him into a cab, and took the bus.


Miss Thang on the other side of the wall is wild tonight. That buzzing is loud enough to hear from the hallway. I wonder if the neighbors have a clue. Get a room, bitch.

He stutters, and his hands are sweaty

But at least he isn't a groper, and he has the most charming blinkiness of any academic. And unlike the big goyish date, he didn't insist on Chinese food.

Family in Israel, That's a plus, who'd want to have his mom any closer. And he's rather tasty, especially if viewed from the rear. Not big, but oh man, that tight little.....

Well, he IS nice. But I don't think this will work out. A week ago he managed to break his glasses holding the door for me. And this evening he stumbled over his coat. He had draped it over the chair when he sat down, it slipped, and when he got up he tripped over it and nearly careened into a waiter.

He's fun to watch, and he's funny. But clutzy much. I don't think this is going to work.

Besides, he doesn't quite seem to understand the anti-Israel dynamic in the Bay Area. He thinks that if we all just act mellow and ignore it, the nuts will go away. He just doesn't get that Californians have internalized the fantasy victim-hood of the Palestinians, and think of Jews as big bad muscle bound hulks kicking sand into the eyes of their victims.

We'll see what happens. I've never dated a man who is shorter than me before.

Yay! Obama!

Tall dark and handsome next president! This is what I've been waiting for since I was a freshman - a leader who is spoonable!

It was all over by eight o'clock. Except for the drinking and weeping. Sorry boys, I have no sympathy. Take your old macho looser and go home.

I'm feeling good right now. If I had stayed at the bar I might be feeling better, but I would wonder what to do with him tomorrow morning. Can't really have mister F. Better waking up in a strange place with two lonely girls, one of whom is a man-shark (that would be the 'other' resident of this apartment).

I'm kidding, of course. I don't have what it takes to pick up men in bars.


But tonight I do feel like I struck it lucky. Warm and tingly all over. I'm gonna see if 'Thang' has left any vodka in the fridge and go to bed. Sleeping will be hard, I'm just so excited.

Seven years of college for that?

I grew up to be a princess. No, not one of those spoiled whiny ones, like the girls on Friends. Nor the archtype daddy's little precious. I grew up to be Boudicca (Boadicea). I dreamt of cutting Roman throats while leading my hairy savages towards Londinium.

Alas! It was not to be. Boudicca is not short, and does not put tissues in her bra.

Nor, as it happens, does Boudicca have a degree in philosophy. Try getting a decent job with that, why don't you? A philosphy degree is about as useful as a flat chest if you want to be noticed, but at least they take you serious when you're applying for a job.

I could have stayed back east and married Avi. My dad always said I could do anything when I grew up. So I grew up to be a second rate Boudicca, but I will not settle for a second rate King, even if he is small dark and handsome. I am looking for someone who wears tweeds well instead.

Rule number one: steal the fork

So my big goyish date and I are at the restaurant, and when he jostled the table the salad fork fell into my handbag. I didn't notice, entranced as I was with his long disquisition about the Sharks. My eyes always glaze over like that when I'm thrilled. I may snore from joy too. Please ignore it.

He had too many mojitos. Bad move, dude, women do not like men who smell of rum. And the mint thing is just nasty. I am suprised at how sober he acts when we leave for the movie.

I should've known better than to let him choose the movie, but I thought it would keep his mind off manhandling me and his hands in his lap. I was wrong. Even the big monster truck could not prevent him trying to put his arm over my shoulders. I squirmed and growled. His arm was still there. I growled loud enough to make people turn around. His arm disappeared.

Five minutes later his hand covered mine. Let it stay, at least I know where it is. Fifteen minutes later, while I'm rooting in my purse for tissues (saddest part of the movie: big monster truck bursting into flames. Dammit, I liked that truck!), his hand starts moving.

Instead of tissues, I found the fork. His hand found my inner thigh and squeezed.


I let him have it with all three tines. Hard.



When I got home I could hear my room mate waging world whore three with her ape-like beau in her room. I went to bed alone.

My room mate the sex gargoyle

It's too hard to sleep around here with that woman in the other room. She's nice, a loving warm person, and great to be around (and I really admire her tits). Problem is that I'm not the only one who thinks so. Every red-blooded American male for miles around just lights up when they see her.

She's got something red blooded in her room right now, and it sounds like they're trying to drill through the floor, both of them. My room mate, and today's prime cut of beef.

Abba was so pleased when I told him I was moving in with another woman - he's been worried about me ever since I went to college - so the idea of his little muffin ever living with a man gave him hives. He was relieved when I told him about "miss Thang".
He thinks that two girls living together can't get into any trouble, seeing as we're too busy having tea and moddifying our pretty dresses.

Hah!

If he knew that the "Thang" was romping around with big muscle-bound meatballs in the room next door, and that I'm living with the sex goddess from hell, his skin wouldn't just erupt, but burst into steaming flames.
She could be a really bad influence on daddy's little cowgirl (yes, that's me - dad has 'issues'). He'd have conniptions.
That woman is just too ....... alive. Yes, that's what it is, """alive""".

Shit, I think the chair in her room just broke.
That's the fifth crash I've heard.

With all my heart, I want them to enjoy each other, and the energetic exploration of nooks and crannies that I can hear every detail of. I want them to have fun, especially because I like her, even though I am horribly envious of her chest.
I want both of them to come.
I just wish it were soon and in our days.
This is interminable.

BACKGROUND: OCTOBER 2008

Got back to SF halfway through the month. My room mate introduces me to the woman who will take over her half of the rent for the next year. The first thing I notice is the bra-size. I guess this one won't be borrowing any of my stuff.

In quick succession, middle aged woman moves out (going to Brasil for the next twelve months), new room mate moves in, new room mate's boy toy drops buy to "bless the bed".

I spent that evening in my room trying to drown out the sounds of savage rutting with a bottle of Jaegermeister.

The next morning, mister Fantastic is blazing around the kitchen in her! flimsy bathrobe preparing breakfast. If my stomach didn't feel like crap, I would've joined them for tofu-egg scramble and hashbrowns instead of just grabbing the coffee and heading back to my room. I fell asleep while they energetically "re-engaged".

If he wasn't such an evident male-slut, I might grab him. He's a good cook and he looks presentable. And I think he's circumcised.

BACKGROUND: SEPTEMBER 2008

High holy days, trip back east. Abba is getting stranger. Instead of looking for the trophy wife he's entitled to after mom left, he's going all religious. Or scholarly. I guess that's what you call it when you trip over a stack of seforim on the hallway floor when you're getting a glass of milk at three in the morning.

Those were his 'get-rid-ofs'. I told him that no one wants used artscroll, just donate them to the shul or the library. He thinks that if he sells them, someone who was looking all of their lives for some of those books will find them and be delighted.

Yeah. Right.


Went out with Jack's brother's room mate in the first week, before flying back. He's fun, and those eyes oh man! But if he thinks he's really straight, he's fooled himself. Still, I could get used to being a fag hag and squiring around a fay gallant. It keeps the local football fans from getting too close.

BACKGROUND: AUGUST 2008

So I finally moved. Jack's penchant for riffling through my box of lacy stuff got to me, it's just too creepy. I kept finding the nicest bras missing, and I suspect that he also "borrowed" some of my skirts. New room mate is a middle-aged woman who sleeps all the time. Normal, I think.

Reminder to self: don't live with perverts. Just date 'em.

Saw my first San Francisco woodie this month. It was like this: I was cutting across the park when a man jumped out holding his coat open. I thought that only happened in movies. When he got a good look at me, he said "oh I'm sorry, I thought you were a boy".

Reminder to self: wear skirts more, and carry the big handbag, so I can clobber people.


Applied for a real job, won't know till October.
Went out with two guys. The first one told me he's having foreskin restoration done next year. I so did not need to know that. The second one kept talking about his brother's ex. But it sounded like it was really his own.

Reminder to self: avoid guys with issues. I have more than enough for my own life, and if I need any extra I can just borrow them from family.

BACKGROUND: JULY 2008

I caught my room mate 'borrowing' my best bra! Nearly ripped it too! The only way I'm going to get to keep ones that fit are if I buy him something frilly. Or dry them on a hanger outside my bedroom window. The neighbors would like that.


Four dates in four weeks, four different men. Each and every one of them a stellar loser, each in his own unique way.

Number one: Saturnine proboscis, trim hips, lawyer. And a complete dick.

Number two: Blond hair (fake), rolex watch (fake), smooth tongue (false), and a clingy mom (very very real).

Number three: Adult men should not sound adenoidal. By the end of dinner you want to cream him with the dessert tray.

Number four: Eight arms, clumsy feet, and a smirk. Can't handle his whiskey. Jerk.


But hey, they were all Jewish. I must be narrowing the field here. And by throwing them back into the pool, maybe they'll distract the other girls.

Jack says he can find me a nice sensitive man who is artistic and kind, after all, he knows all of them. I might get desperate enough.

BACKGROUND: JUNE 2008

Crap what a goofy month! Nothing went right!

The job I had lined up evaporated, and I got propositioned by the boyfriend of the girl I was staying with. He thinks too much of himself, he really isn't that handsome.

I guess the moral of this month is that the average penis is untrainable, and should be kept chained up.

I moved in with a coworker at the coffee shop. He's a guy (Abba would be horrified!), but at least he's gay. If he doesn't borrow my bras, which are too small for him anyhow, I have nothing to worry about. I think he had three different men over - not sure, 'cause one of them was dressed as a woman. I loved his skirt. Kicky boots, too!

Still haven't found if there's any meat with a heksher in this town.

Attended Israel at the Gardens, after walking through a crowd of angry Palestinians and their lesbian Jewish girlfriends. Gals, I really gotta tell you: those were men. Not little blonde babes with titties. Men. Sweaty and juvenile, too (except for the one with the big nose at the end - he's just too friggin' hot!). But the hairy arms SHOULD TIPP YOU OFF!

Seeing the pro-Israel protestors keeping the dogs at bay was so refreshing after walking past the hate on the other side of the street. Thanks, guys. I'm just so happy to see you. And that little boy you've got heckling the zombies in black, we'll, if he were ten years older I would so do him! Save him for me please.

I'm working at two coffee shops right now. One of them is owned by the gentlest Tunisian imaginable. A really sweet guy. His daughter really knows how to make him melt, he's totally bullied by her. At six years old she's already capable of spinning a man around her little finger. Yes, I'm jealous of the little bitch.

BACKGROUND: MAY 2008

This is the month I went to San Francisco. I'll tell you, New Paltz is no place for a girl who wants more in her life than just her stuffed cat Bucky (who is very important) and beer-drinking freshmen.

San Francisco could be an exciting adventure. Well, except for the Arab taxi drivers, collaborationist members of the tribe, and general weirdness.

No, the weirdness isn't gays and rainbows. We've got gay men where I come from (the former head of the department was one, but we didn't really find out till after he passed on). The weirdness turns out to be the huge number of people who hate Jews and Israel.

In order: An anti-Israel seder apparently held at a local church, a vegetarian restaurant (Herbivore) that co-sponsored a "destroy-Israel rap-fest", a take-over of the San Francisco JCC by Jewish nazi-sympathisers, and a symbolic die-in lamenting the birth of Israel at a local college.

When I left, Abba worried about the kind of men I'd meet - were they 'our kind of people', were there any real shuls, and how about kashrus?
I guess I can tell him that, judging by some of the angry Jewish lesbians at the rap thing in civic center and at the JCC, I should have no problem monopolizing the straight unattached Jewish male market.
Haven't found any of them yet, except for Danny.
Oh wait, he's gay.
Crap.